Supporting Big Feelings at Christmas Time

Finding and embracing nature is a big part of the Scandinavian Day. Friluftsliv (Free  air life ) is a Norweigan term all about just taking the time to wander into nature with no agenda but to just be. The  Norwegian philosophy around just bonding with nature.

Embracing nature and the benefits it brings not only improves the child’s well-being but also the adults that are outside and joining in too!

While writing this post I reflected back to this time last year when we had a tricky start to the day with some big toddler emotions. We got ready to go outside (which was a challenge in itself with a grumpy toddler and all the layers needed) We eventually headed outside into nature at 7:45am and it was worth all the trickiness of getting ready. We had no agenda, no where in particular to go but just explored where our interests took us.  The longer we were outside for the calmer and happier we became. We got lost in the wonders of the sparkly leaves, the crispness under foot and the the frozen puddles. A flask of warmed milk and a beautiful view to soak in also helped. 

This time of year brings so many big emotions with it. Doing the job I do as an early years consultant I’m always reflecting on the ways I myself as a parent support big feelings and the way others support their children too. Always reflecting and learning!

Sometimes I see parents that try to distract or divert big emotions with something else.

Sometimes we worry as parents about children having such big emotions (especially out in public) and we worry that the way the child is expressing their feelings is a direct reflection on how we raise them.

Let me share a couple of things with you.

The big feelings of others are not something we can control. But what we can control is the way we as parents and adults respond to these moments. Our role is to bring the calm to the storm of feelings that the child is experiencing

I believe it’s important to make space for children to feel all these big feelings. To teach them that it’s OK for them to feel all that they’re feeling and that I as the caring and loving adult will be right there with them as they navigate their way through them. Helping to create positive mental health habits that allow children to see that having feelings of different kinds is OK and we can work together to process and understand these.

I know this may feel tricky to do when you have family round at your house, perhaps you even feel like they’re judging you, or your out and about at a busy event. But our children need to know and feel that we’re there for them.

Think back to a time when you yourself experienced some big emotions and imagine feeling those but not having anyone around you to listen, care and support you.

Perhaps we can make a calming space in our home that we can gently move them to and be next to them. During this time it might be that we sit quietly next to the child….but let them know we’re there for a cuddle whenever they need it.

Sometimes big emotions may go on for a little while. That’s Ok. Just be calm, patient and caring towards your child and emphasis where you can,. “I can see you’re feeling really cross about….” “It’s really hard when we can’t..”

Once they’re clam you can then spend the time talking through what happened.

My little one was at forest school session a few weeks ago when he found a particular situation tricky. He got really upset and so we sat down in the warming hut and I just held him close while he cried. Letting him know what I was there. I stroked his head but didn’t say too much. As we sat there a few people came to check we were OK and tried to distract him out of his crying. I just politely said “we’re just having some time together to work through some big feelings. We will come back and play soon”

I also think that sometimes other adults are trying their best with interacting with your little ones but perhaps they don’t always know the best way or what works for your child. This might feel like an adult bombarding the child with questions that could interupt the flow of the child led play “ What did you do at nursery today? Did Santa come and see you? Did you bake mince pies with Mummy?”

It could be that it’s a room full of adults that sit and watch and wait for your child, all eyes on them, as everyone almost waits for your child to perform something! Which can feel very over whelming.

Try offering some little nooks within the main space of home life where the child can just take themselves off and play. This could even be as simple as a large cardboard box or a den type space with some small world bits in. 

I hope this helps you have a calmer Christmas. If you need anymore support on working with big feelings do check out my online training here